The Edge Of The Horizon

I’m done with school.

It feels weird to say that. I’m done with school. I finished my last exam, put in my last paper (extra credit), and barring some massive mistake that I don’t know about yet, I’ve got my degree. It’s done.

It might have taken me longer than I planned, but I’ve finished college.

Now, a little time to rest, relax…and get started with my new job, full time.

And, then, more writing. I’ve taken notes and done some editoral work on The Winter Solist, and I’ve got my notebook for A Solist In Rome to work on and write things down.

Progress will be made.

Headaches And Headaches

For the longest time, I was on stimulant medication to handle my ADHD. Then, about two years ago, my newest therapist tried out a different combination of medications (namely off-label heart medications), and I was doing a lot better for the issues that the ADHD meds were supposed to work on.

But, I had the fun of what I called the “adderal headaches” happen again, starting about a year ago.

It has to be the fact that I’ve been long-term detoxing from the medications. It’s not the fact that I’m going back to school again, and having to make the long-ass commute down to San Francisco twice a week.

Or a new job. Which I’m still learning the ropes and getting myself

Or that I’m short on writing time.

Or that I’m going to have to deal with a number of switch-overs in the next few months. Health care, primarily (and out of pocket, the new job doesn’t have enough people to interest most health care providers). Still going to be cheaper than my commute costs down to SF a few years ago.

Or that I’m trying to get back into shape and exercising again.

Or that we’re having car trouble here, at the worst possible time (Honda isn’t as bad as BMW, but when they do go bad…)

Or finally being able to do real conventions with the return of FanimeCon and KublaCon…and their crazy COVID policies.

But, I’m almost done with school, almost at full time with my job…and the job doesn’t make me want to pinch my nose and pretend that I’m actually doing something worthwhile.

It’s not exactly the progress I want, but it is progress.

It’s Been Far Too Long

I’m going to be glad when I finish with school, because I will be leaving campus at speed once I’m finished.

Look, I don’t pretend to be the most intellectual of people, but when you start pulling together gestalt theory and pointing out how The Hero With A Thousand Faces codified most of these things…and your professor doesn’t know what you’re talking about, there’s an issue. There’s a whole year’s subscription and the Swimsuit Edition in there.

…I’m going to graduate college. Finally.

I have a job again. A real job! Doesn’t have many benefits, but it pays and I can get what I need otherwise.

The writing for The Winter Solist has stalled, mostly because it’s reminding me so much of school and my day job. And, I might have to do another plot revision. It’s also why A Roman Solist is going to have a formal, no joke outline.

I might even go down to FanimeCon this year.

There will hopefully be better news, soon.

Every Time You Think You’ve Gotten Out…

…you get dragged back in again.

So, between school and my internship and running errands and chores, I’ve had very little time to write or make blog posts, or do anything other than…

Well, school, internship, and running errands and chores.

But, I have Spring break and because gas prices are so insane, I won’t be going anywhere except my internship (I could take the time off, but I need the experience) and I could get stuff done, such as my various writing projects. I’ve had to put a lot of them on the back burner because I needed to stay on top of my homework.

…then, a few weeks ago, my father broke one of the bones in his foot and it’s been healing very slowly. His doctor extended the time he has to remain in his boot and not doing any heavy work, so I’m having to do more and more of it.

But, that’s fine and we’re ahead of schedule…

…then Mom get diagnosed with diabetes. And, now we have to change everything around here-diet, sleep times, habits, and guess who gets drafted in to help…because, I’m clearly “not doing anything.”

I don’t mind helping, it’s Mom and she should have been getting out a bit more, exercising more, long before this and I can’t even use a cookie-on-a-stick to provide some small amount of motivation for her to walk around the block with Dad.

…it’s been a long three, almost four months. But, I have to admit there are some good things. I’ll be getting my degree in May, I will have options for work, I might even have some actual fun at FanimeCon this year.

…but, something is going to happen, I’m just afraid of that and the dread doesn’t help any.

The Melancholy Of The Long Distance Writer

It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance or the energy to blog, and that’s mostly because blogging is resembling my (theoretical) day job, i.e. internship, i.e. not a bad thing to do right now in comparison to school.

School? I’m not sure if I’m just better medicated and able to handle things, or the classwork has been watered down badly, but I know that I’m doing very well with my classwork and my classes. But, the commute has been terrible and horrible and boring and dull.

My writing work has been slower, but I am making progress with The Winter Solist and the outline for A Solist In Rome.

Got to go home early today, so I’m not as exhausted with a full work and school schedule.

Fingers crossed that there will be more progress soon.

Everything Feels Like A Copy Of A Copy Of A…

I read Fight Club in ’97, if I remember right. Back when it was still edgy and cool, but before the movie and before everybody started making stupid quotes about the book and thought they were hot for being able to quote the Fight Club Rules.

(I can still remember them. Damn the author for creating something easy to remember.)

Anyways, there’s this moment where he describes insomnia and the mental state you’re in. Everything in your life, to the insomniac, seems like it’s your life. But, it’s like your life has been taken through a copier, a copy made, then the copy is put on top of the copy tray, a copy made, the copy is put on top of the copy tray, a copy made…

In short, it all starts to get blurry.

Surreal.

Disconnected.

And, that describes my last week in a lot of ways. First time I was back in actual, physical classes and what should be campus full of students is empty by any standards. I have to ride the bus there and back, and I do not miss at all being on the bus system, both of them. And, work.

Here’s the odd thing-I’m either doing exceptionally well at my internship, things are going great. Or I’m being set up to be the scapegoat for something to go terribly wrong. And, it says something about my previous employers that I am not sure which is more likely.

My writing has been going a little sideways. Because when I come home, I’m frazzled. Do I bring my laptop with me, because I have one teacher that is strictly no-electronics and the other requires you to have your laptop? But, if I carry it around, that’s additional weight I need to think about when I walk across campus for my classes, then up four flights of stairs (in groups of two) to get to my classes. I could take the elevator, but I have this opportunity to climb four flights of stairs two days a week, so I will make the most of it. I have to physically restrain myself from engaging in massive loads of snark. Sharing my unguarded and far too honest opinion.

I’m counting the days to the end of class. I have a countdown sheet. I cross the numbers off every day, like I’m counting days before I’m let out of prison.

But, I’ve also put in my paperwork for my graduation. I just have to make it through the next twelve or so weeks, enjoy the hell out of Spring Break (which I will probably do by working full-time at my internship so I can chew as much of that time away ASAP), and…finish something that I’m writing. Somehow.

(I hate authors that start out with good ideas and ghost on you, never publishing again. I don’t want to be one of those authors.)

Time to enjoy this weekend, by hook or by crook.

Back To The Grind

Writing has been tricky when you have school, an internship, and soon enough a three hour commute to and from school two days a week.

(I’m not a fan of Zoom and online meetings in general. You’re very disconnected and a lot of people covertly or overtly record the meetings. And, there’s that whole sense of performance that you have to do on screen and on camera and that’s not a happy-making thing. But, I’d live with that for not having to make a three hour commute by bus to and from school.)

So, two days a week, I wake up at a slightly unreasonable hour, take the bus down for two classes, and catch the bus back home. Could be worse, I could have to do this again for work, on a “regular” schedule (which would require me to wake up at 5 AM rather than 6 AM), or more days of the week.

And, the internship…that’s been an experience (which is the point). I’m learning a lot of how marketing works at the ground level and trying to stay on top of creating content, keeping track of the content I’ve created, “got a minute?” projects…

It’s been busy. So busy that I’ve had a hard time keeping up on my fiction writing, which annoys me. But, I’m hoping that once I settle into the class/commute/internship routine and don’t have to worry about all of these problems…I can get back to doing some serious writing.

Fingers crossed.

My First Week Back

I haven’t worked at a full-time, paid job for nearly two years.

So, my internship has been weird. Just I haven’t done this in a long time, and while school is one thing (and, in two weeks, I’ll have to commute down to San Francisco twice a week for school. No more Zoom meetings, which I actually prefer)…three days a week in an office is weird, it feels weird.

And, most of my internship right now is education and learning how things work in the office. And creative work. And trying to pretend that I understand what is going on.

(I actually do, but I’m still learning. I don’t think people are blowing smoke up my butt…but, still. It’s part and parcel of the weirdness of a professional author. We get so much grief in so many ways, we almost get used to it. Wondering what sarcasm is involved in those statements.)

Still, I’m writing my other stuff. I’m a writer. I write for fun, as well as work.

The Winter Solist has hit a small air pocket-bridging scene between one act and another-but I’m almost past it now. Other writing projects are slow but steady and as long as I can churn out 300 words a night, I’m in good shape. I’m going to try and enjoy my weekend, and make the most of my time off. Yay!

So, Good News? I Can Have Some?

Is there good news? Yes, there is. There’s several fronts that I’m having to deal with, and I’m having this distinct lack of fear, angst, frustration, and/or terror.

I believe most people call this “being happy.” It’s weird. It’s very weird. I like it, but it is just weird.

Academics-Staying on top and ahead of as many of my projects and classes as possible. In three weeks, I’ll have to start commuting twice a week down to San Francisco for classes. Which I’ve got timed, figured out, and I know how to make the schedule work. It’ll just be waking up early (not 4AM early, thank God for that), and making sure that my timing is good. Projects are current and working.

Internship-So far…I might have something. It seems like it’s locked in, but it don’t mean nothing until the paperwork is signed. It’s local, so the commute is short (twenty minutes, maybe), three days a week. And, it’s paid. Yay!

Writing-Going slower than I expect, but I’ve gotten started on one of the two short stories for the end of March (fingers crossed)…and, The Winter Solist is still being written. I’m getting close to the big reveals, the big fight, and the lead-in for A Solist In Rome, and that outline is growing ever more detailed as I get closer to telling that story.

Other stories are going to be on semi-hold because I need to finish my classes so I can graduate and not go crazy with all this work that I’ve got to get done. But, I might need to escape into a story or three when things get bad.

More news as it comes, I hope…